Blog
I’m headed to the doc today for something I should have gone for like 25 years ago – depression. The stunning combination of dedicating my life to my little girl and having no real work to speak of since November of 2007 has finally caught up with invincible me. Most of it, I would say, is based around the stress of not working, not having work, not having the motivation to find work, and working in a nearly impossible industry.
I pulled out of my rut a couple months back with jobs for American Express, A&E, and the Sundance Channel. Since that time, I’ve spent countless hours working on these jobs only to have all 3 of them either collapse due to executive decisions or just vaporize entirely into what many ad agencies currently see as a doomsday economy. The position I’m in has, at long last, shaken my confidence. Not at my abilities – but at my decision (haha, it’s funny that I call it that!) to take the path less traveled and my self-insistence that I do what I enjoy for a living. Living this way takes a lot of, for lack of a better word, balls. If you think it’s easier to barrel your way through a million obstacles than to go to school and get paid for something you could care less about – think again. It’s difficult, and it takes a lot of upkeep, self promotion, and self development. You have to be on top of pretty much everything. I, as a 14 year old runaway, didn’t see going the traditional route as an option at the time. I think that qualifies as “understandable.”
That’s where Ella comes in. She now gets all of the energy I used to spend breaking down walls. She gets all of my willpower. And now, I’m officially rambling. The really scary part for me right now is a. I haven’t written a single note of a single song since I finished Grayscale over 2 years ago. And b. I don’t like getting out of bed and starting my days anymore. So, off to the doc for me. The large majority of my friends (usually a few years younger) are rather medicated. I figure I should give that a shot. I’ve been self medicating for the last 10 years anyway. What do I have to lose? Don’t answer that, it’s rhetorical.
Hopefully, when all is said and done – you guys will get a great album out of this experience. That’s usually how things work with me.
**EDIT - you know what, nevermind. I think i'll just start working on a new record.
